MY INNER CHILD AND I

The windows of darkness steals her soul

Takes her to the deep abyss,

Where her cries are left unheard

Her self was his, it's what he stole.

Cold, so cold, her feelings deep

No-where to turn, weary she sits

Frightened and lonely, so scared to reach out

No faith, no hope, she sits and weeps.

My adult self I'm lost within

Powerful memories, that clench me tight,

Engulfs my mind so I don't forget

So close am I to just give in.

Oh how I cry for my self so small

Forlorn and lost, so out of reach,

Whispering gently, I tell her I'm here

I'll keep you safe, tear down your wall.

Her eyes, the window of so much hurt

Deep within, she has no trust,

blame is what she puts on her self

Shackled to the memories, with no self worth.

Her voice so silent, I listen in hope

But gone is she, my mind does scream,

DON'T go, hang on, I love you, I cried

Without you I'm scared, I just can't cope.

In a corner she sits, the darkness her sky

Nothing I say will win her trust,

She's resigned herself to the fate at hand

In herself she sees that's the way she'll die.


written by Mary Graziano 
May/2012

My inner child is hurting with pain, frustrated and neglected, abused and ignores me. She is hidden from view so deeply hidden, nothing will help with her escape.

I write this and share this with you as these are my feelings, my hurt, my pain right now, trying so hard to reach that little child in me and I can't, I wrote this for all those who are also having a hard time reaching out to your inner child, just know that we are not alone♥

I wrote this poem because a dear dear friend has been affected by Domestic abuse and violence.  She is very special to my heart and it hurts me so much to know that she had to endure this terrible injustice to her.  She will forever bare the scars from her abusers, even now after all these years she lives in severe pain and  has many many medical problems..  

Kris I dedicate this poem to you..Love you to the moon and back ♥♥

VICTIM OR SURVIVOR

Tear drops form upon her cheek

Her eyes are filmed with tears,

Swollen from the beatings

Crying softly, so no one hears.

Too afraid to run for safety

To live a life of peace,

She knows that he will find her

And the beatings will never cease.

She hears his pounding footsteps

She cringes deep inside,

Can't bare to look as he comes in

But there's no where she can hide.

His eyes so dark and evil

His fists were clenched so tight,

His nostrils flared insanely

Oh what gives him the right.

"Please don't hurt me," she begged of him

I'll do anything you say,

Nothing he heard would change his mind

As he cracked her head that day.

You're MINE to do as I do please

You'll NEVER be set free,

And he threw her down upon the floor

Cracked her ribs hard with his knee.

She cried so hard, but all in vain

A blow went to her head,

Blood poured out, she lost consciousness

As he threw her on the bed.

He ripped her clothing from her

She wished that she were dead,

To end the years of torment

For she knew what lay ahead.

When done he lay beside her

His stench, it made her sick,

Too afraid to make a sound or stir

The hours, how the clock did tick.

She waited as he fell asleep

To wash the grime away,

The water felt good upon her face

Dear God, please help, she prayed.

No answer came from God above

As she dried away the tears,

She knew she'd face his wrath again

It followed her through the years.

The beatings have taken a toll on her

Her body is racked in pain,

She knows that by staying with him

She will never be the same.

One day she gets the courage

To leave this man so cruel,

To get some help before she dies

GUILTY, the judge did rule.

I am not a victim anymore

I'm a SURVIVOR, is what she said,

No silence will I give them

Our voices they will dread!!!

Written by Mary Graziano

May 4, 2012

A PRAYER FOR CAYLEE AND ALL CHILDREN

We don't know why

It happened, and

We truly don't understand,

We feel that

You were a part of

All families

In our Lands.

Your short sweet life

Has touched our hearts,

So many people prayed

You never will be

Forgotten,

As we live from

Day to day.

The pain that you

Did suffer,

To understand is not

Only God knows

How a mother,

Could be so evil

And kill her only tot.

Your family mourns

A precious loss,

They are so

Very sad,

Our prayers go

Out to Grandma,

And also your Granddad.

So many tears were

Shed that day,

When they found

Your small remains,

How many children

Have to live with abuse

We cry, our pillow stains.

I know your life was short

Dear Caylee,

You suffered needlessly,

But now you smile from up above

You have finally been

Set free.

If you could tell

All children,

And a message to

Your Grandparents send,

Of what it's like

In Heaven,

Their hearts would surely mend.

I write this poem

For Caylee,

I write for all abuse

Of children who live

In horror and pain,

Of all MONSTERS

On the loose.

Written by: Mary Graziano

Feelings of Guilt

Feelings of Guilt

Sitting by your bedside
Every night and everyday,
I felt so sorry for you
All I could do was pray.

I prayed for peace to come to you
So no more suffering you would feel,
I stroked your forehead tenderly
I knew you wouldn't heal.

I told you that I loved you
It seemed so very odd,
How could I love someone like you
No answer did I get from God.

So many tears I shed that day
I knew the end was near,
I told you it would be alright
As I whispered in your ear.

I never heard I'm sorry
And now it is too late,
Maybe that would have helped me
All those years, how I did wait.

Watching you become a "shell" of a man
It broke my heart to see,
Maybe this was your punishment 
Of what you did to me.

In pallative care we kept you
But I felt guilty deep inside,
I felt like I did murder you
Even today I've sat and cried.

I whispered to you to let go
Be free from all your pain,
I asked if you were sorry
But there just was no refrain.

Staring at the ceiling
I wondered what you did see,
Memories coming from the past
Of what you did to me?

You passed away, no more pain
I watched you as you died,
I cried for you, you were my dad
But our secrets we did hide.

So many secrets between us
That were sealed away with time,
But I will somehow release them
Now that I'm in my Prime.

I kept you on a pedestal
Which was not suppose to be,
But we had some really good times
And my heart it did agree.

But the shadows from the past still come
They overtake the good,
My nightmares see your presence still
In front of my "little" self you stood.

Three years ago you passed away
I feel guilty for not visiting your grave,
But I just can't bring myself to go
That little girl in me is not brave.

Just maybe one day I might forget
The past that still clings to me,
And help that sombre little girl
So we both can be set free.

written by Mary Graziano

I started writing this poem when I stayed at my dad's bedside all night long for 3 weeks before he died. Everyone in my family told me to go home and rest, that he didn't know I was there. But there was something deep inside of me that wanted me to stay each night, sleeping in a chair for short periods, then checking on my dad. I felt so guilty for putting him into Palliative Care hearing him whisper "I'm hungry" and the nurse coming to give him a higher dose of morphine so he wouldn't feel the hunger pains. I really did and still to this day feel like a murderer. I haven't been able to visit his grave as I said in the last lines of my poem, I don't know why, I don't know if I'm afraid to, that too many memories will flood back to me, I just don't know...

Today, I finished this poem.

DO DREAMS COME TRUE

Some nights when I dream
I dream of glorious things
A world that is free from strife,
Where there is much love
From our God above,
A miraculous vision that we call Life.

But when from my dreams I awake
My heart how it breaks
Because I know it was not real,
There is so much abuse
Against children so small,
I know they just can't heal.

So much sadness abounds
For these little ones
Who have no voice and are so helpless,
Some help must come
To speak up for them,
And set them free from all duress.

It is up to us to be the ones
To raise childrens' spirits high
To loudly speak up and be listened to
And shout for all to hear,
We will tell the world that we do care,
So maybe others will take our cue.

Our world what it needs
Is to be free from such hurt
So all children, peace, will know,
Spread this message around
And the children will see,
That my dream was meant to grow.

written by Mary Graziano

This is what I spent my morning doing, writing this poem. and I want to thank Dreamcatchers, for getting me to write again after so long, For some reason today I am hurting, and am feeling very low, so writing this did help to take my mind off of myself and putting it onto the poor children out their who are being abused in so many ways..Thank You....Mary